


bigger than my body

by orphan_account



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Anal Sex, Angry Sora, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bottom Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Crying Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Feels, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, On purpose though, Pain, Painful Sex, Post-Canon, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Red (Color), Safe Sane and Consensual, Sex, Top Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Trans Male Character, Trans Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, understanding riku
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 13:24:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21356950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Red. It's the colour of so many things in Sora's life--the colour of autumn leaves, of cheeks in the snow, of roses and wine;the colour of blood, of warnings, of Heartless and fire magic;the colour of anger, of pain lancing through him and cutting him down with every word they say;the colour of lust, of passion, burning a bright dawn into the midnight darkness of his despair.The colour of their love, steady through it all.
Relationships: Riku & Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts), soriku - Relationship
Comments: 9
Kudos: 95





	bigger than my body

**Author's Note:**

> CW: gender dysphoria, social and physical, references to transphobic/dysphoria-inducing language and themes, body image issues in that sora has problems with parts of his. genitalia and said issues not explicitly described, but referenced vaguely. this is not a work to fetishise trans people. i'm trans and this is me working through layers of my feelings while also trying to accept that my body can be involved in the creation of pleasure/the pleasuring of others--if you don't like that sort of thing or have any issues with the above CWs, please don't read or comment.

"Riku, _ please," _ Sora whines.

He knows he's not prepped enough, he knows it's going to hurt, and he doesn't _ care _ right now--he needs this, he needs to _ feel _ right, and this is the only way he knows how. The only way either of them know how.

The fingers withdraw slowly, reluctantly, from his ass, and Sora fists his hands in the sheets to brace himself, his forehead pressing into the cool red cotton.

_ Red, _ because he needs it. _ Red, _ because it's a boy colour. _ Red, _ for the months he still forgets, even after so many years.

_ Red, _ what he sees when Riku lines himself up and pushes into him swiftly, the stretch tearing through his awareness, ripping up his spine, crowding his ears with fizzing static.

Sora gasps and chokes on another whine, this one higher in pitch, tears blurring his vision and pricking hotly at the inside corners of his eyes before dripping down to the bed. It's too much, _ too much, _but it's always too much at first. That's what he likes about it.

"You okay?" Riku's soft voice ripples in through the pain as he holds steady. He feels heavy and solid and _ huge _ inside Sora. Each slight motion _ burns--_fuck, it burns a _ lot. _

But Sora nods and just in case Riku can't see, manages to croak out a tight, "Yeah."

Riku moves, then, and it's slow at first but it's familiar, and raw, and real, and _ here. _ Grounding him in the moment_\--this _ moment, where they're just Sora and Riku, two boys having sex, and nothing else. Nothing more complicated than fucking, and grunting, and moans still just this side of the pain-pleasure line.

Riku's hands slide up Sora's sweat-slick back and he balances himself on Sora's shoulder blade with one hand, the other coming down near Sora's head to bear most of his weight.

It's a slightly awkward position, probably, but Riku knows not to hold onto Sora's hips or ass right now. Those are the reason they're here, the reason Sora's in this mess of a headspace, today. They things everyone kept pointing out:_ cinched waist - thicc ass - hourglass figure - curves. _

The parts of his anatomy that he tries so hard to hide behind baggy pants, loose-fitting jacket. The parts that make him look like a girl--well, the parts that make him _ feel _ like a girl. The parts that make even _ girls _ feel objectified and forced into looking certain ways, playing certain roles.

_ "Fuck. _ Sora, you're--_fuck. _" Riku's voice is strained already in his ear.

The new angle must do something to Riku as he sets a new, slow, grinding pace. Somewhere in Sora's broken thoughts, shattering and scattering a bit like glass only half as brilliant and twice as sharp, he's glad of that. He can't always get off from this, but Riku should. Besides, he likes the way it makes him feel, the way it sounds, getting his ass _ filled. _

"Faster," Sora breathes out, tears falling more swiftly even as the pain subsides a bit. They're not tears from that kind of pain, anymore.

"Sora, not--not yet. You're still too--" Riku's losing himself in the lust but he's nothing if not in control.

So Sora rolls his hips back to meet Riku's pelvis a few times, cutting off his words, ramping up the rhythm. At least those core muscles are good for _ something. _

_ "Please, _ Riku," he begs, sharp elbows digging into the bed for leverage, bouncing back on Riku's cock, hoping that's enough to get him going. Whether from arousal or his inability to say no to Sora, he doesn't care, as long as Riku _ listens. _

He does. With a grunt, he speeds up, and his hair tickles the back of Sora's neck, his head falling in concentration. The next thrust hits hard and Sora's eyes shoot open as breath whooshes out of him.

_ Red. _ Shadows play across the sheets, dappling them from blush to bloody and back. Everything's getting to be too much again. Good.

Riku's length fucks open Sora's tight hole, moving too fast to identify any of the textures; it's nothing but pure sensation, blending together. The stinging of each pull, the sharp jolt of each push, the heavy smacking thud each time Riku bottoms out just a little bit too far inside him for comfort but just far enough to ache, it all distracts Sora from the fiery heat pooling in his least favourite place.

Riku hits new spots in him, though there's one spot Riku can never hit, because it doesn't exist. The new pace definitely has Sora's ass jiggling but that's only to be expected. Still, he arches his back harder, presses his chest more firmly into the bed just in case _ those _ start to jiggle, too.

He should feel blessed he made it out with such a small chest, but everyone still manages to notice the cleavage no matter how tightly he binds. They notice, and they compliment it. They practically _ drool _ over it. _ Tiddies. _

They mean every crass word they say to him, too, like it's a compliment, like he should be _ appreciative _of the fact they think he's so unmasculine that he lives up to the unrealistic, toxic standards of feminine beauty they shouldn't even impose on his female friends, let alone someone trying so hard to prove he's a boy. Like they think two kinds of wrong really do make a right.

He hates it.

_ Red. _Hate is red, too.

Tears aren't, though, and more of them join the flow. All his welling desperation, all his sad, all his hurt, pushing their way out.

He used to just rant and rave to Riku--understanding, gentle Riku. But it wasn't enough of a _ release. _ This is. When they do it right. When they do it like _ boys _ do.

"I've got you," Riku manages, panting and breathless. "I've got you, Sora. You're here with me, love, I've got you. You can let go."

_ Love. _Sora's shudders turn into open sobs.

The hand on his back twitches a bit, Riku instinctively trying to caress him even while pounding into him at this rate, knowing better than to stop once Sora starts crying. It's what he needs--this release. More potent than the orgasm it always precedes.

And there is one, this time; somewhere under the gasping sobs, Sora feels it building, each thrust finally doing it's job. Even as the pressure in his heart relieves, the pressure further down in him builds. He hates it. He loves it. It terrifies him and calls to him at once. He reaches for it inside himself, clutching the sheets harder until his knuckles hurt almost as much as his ass.

"Riku, I'm--" Sora grinds the words out through a clenched jaw, everything in him tensing up.

"You first, then." Riku's voice is a stuttering, harsh groan, but the tone is still gentle. "You can do it."

_ Red. _ This is red, too, the clenching, freeing, shuddering, _ engulfing _ wave of pleasure that sweeps over him in a sudden burst, sending a rush of crimson blood to his ears, a cherry flush to his heated face, prickling cranberry tingles to his fingers and curling toes.

He wails as Riku grips his shoulder and fucks him right through his orgasm, each drag on his clenching rim a pulsing beacon of lancing heat, driving the aftershocks of his orgasm higher until finally Riku stills inside him and comes with a drawn-out groan.

Sora sighs in a soft, hiccuping way. The slickness easing out of him and running down the inside of his thigh is a little distracting, but he doesn't care too much. He's too floaty.

Anyway, he always pretends it's Riku's spunk, that there's so much in his ass it's leaking out around his cock.

"You okay?" The words are just as soft as earlier, Riku's hand gentling its grasp on his shoulder. It's easier to answer this time.

"Yeah."

"Wanna clean up?"

"Nah." Sometimes he does. Right now he just wants to be held.

Riku eases himself out and Sora can't help but wince. It's a weird, hollow, fluttery, twinging feeling, as usual. When Riku rolls him gently over, though, and pulls Sora into him arms, skin on skin, warm and comforting, it's worth it.

"You sure you're okay?" Riku's always worried, afterwards. Well, he's always worried during, too. Sora's probably pretty worrying like this, so he can't blame him.

"Yeah. Promise." And he's not lying.

Here, after everything, sated and in his own bed, he's fine. Even naked, he just feels more angles and bones and fucked-out soreness than anything else. The rest of the world can go to hell.

Sora closes his eyes and curls up into Riku, tucking in under his chin as he feels soothing circles gently rubbed into his back.

"I love you," Riku murmurs into his hair, and Sora knows he does--he wouldn't do this for Sora if he didn't. Wouldn't make Sora feel safe and sane in his own body. Wouldn't be able to hold all the pieces of Sora together until he could re-set the stitches.

"I love you," Sora mumbles back. He knows Riku knows it, too; Sora's not the only one with demons to tame, both from after and before the war, and Riku's not the only boyfriend who can fight in unusual ways.

Still, the feeling swells up in him, chasing away the dark of unconsciousness for another few moments.

Desperate and fierce, needy and breathless, caring and soft, bright and bold. The colour of hearts.

_ Red. _


End file.
